A BRIEF SAMPLE OF THE ART OF CHRISTIANESE
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WARNING: CHRISTIANESE IS THE MOST DIFFICULT OF LANGUAGES. THIS IS ONLY AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT MAY BE MEANT BY CERTAIN PHRASES. THEY CAN MEAN MANY THINGS AND TO MAKE THINGS MORE CONFUSING, SOMETIMES SOMEONE MAY ACTUALLY MEAN WHAT THEY ARE SAYING! BUT DON'T WORRY, THAT RARELY HAPPENS. ENJOY!
- "God led me to do something else." (Usually said when one sleeps in, is watching TV or is going out on a date)
- MEANS: No I did not read the Bible, Go to Church, have devotions, attend Bible study, or do anything I was supposed to do.
- "I love you in the Lord."
- MEANS: I love you in the Lord because that's the only way I can.
- "We have an awesome singles ministry."
- MEANS: You're cute! Do I have any chance of a date?
- "God really blessed me and helped me with my exam today."
- MEANS: I didn't study but prayed really hard and passed the test today... I am going to give God credit so He will do that again.
- "I will be praying for you."
- MEANS: There is a remote chance between Monday Night Football and the Late Show, I may remember I should pray for something, but I probably won't remember what.
- "You would love my church."
- MEANS: Why should I have to suffer alone?
- "We need someone to minister in the nursery."
- MEANS: If you do not want screaming babies in the sanctuary during sermon... volunteer!
- "I must have had a guardian angel watching over me."
- MEANS: I had better have a guardian angel watching over me or I am toast!
- "I am really looking forward to the church retreat this year!" (Before retreat)
- MEANS: (Women's Retreat) No Kids! Waaaaahoooooooo!
- MEANS: (Men's Retreat) This year, I hope the speaker is a pro athlete from my favorite football team!
- MEANS: (Singles Retreat) I am not dating, so I suppose I should go.
- MEANS: (Youth Retreat) Man! You won't believe the great pranks I have planned!
- MEANS: (Pastor's Retreat) Who knows, maybe I will hear about a real great church who needs a Pastor and be able to leave this church.
- MEANS: (Pastor's Wife Retreat) Ok ok ... I am joking, as if we ever get a break!
- "Wow, This retreat was awesome!" (After Retreat)
- MEANS: (Women's Retreat) I have to go home?!
- MEANS: (Men's Retreat) (Said in place of 'I love you." when giving those farewell hugs that you want to give... but no one is going to call YOU a girlie man!)
- MEANS: (Singles Retreat) Maybe I will get married after all.
- MEANS: (Youth Retreat) Yeah!? Well next year I will think of better practical jokes!
- MEANS: (Pastor's Retreat) If Daniel could do it, so can I. (Referring to returning to the Lion's Den errrr I mean his congregation.)
- MEANS: (Pastor's Wife Retreat) *Yawn* Wow! I got 6 hours of sleep! (Note: This is the only kind of retreat they get.)
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